Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Death of a Salesman

Okay, so really, there isn't an actual death (but I bet you all were wishing that there was since, well, it is a salesman and we all know how much we love them!) but I thought that it might peak your interest and get you to look and bask into my totally interesting life for five minutes.  
Yes, I know it has been a while and some of you have harped on me for not writing (which makes me feel loved and wanted) and I had good intentions, I really did, but life got busy.  But, after an hour of totally fun and amazing experiences that just literally wrapped up quicker than you an say "potato" (why I chose potato I don't know, so don't ask) I had to write it down.  I, Darin Wallace DeVore, just finished being a salesman (Dun dun dun!).  
Yes, I was one of those annoying people who call you up, hunt you down, and won't shut his mouth until you say yes!  Who incessantly verbally poke and prod you like your a dumb cow until you give in to their demands or that causes you to lay into them with such a verbal onslaught of obscenities that it leaves you thinking, "Did I really just say that?  That isn't me!  What just happened!"  Yes, for a brief hour I was the scum of the earth, the dirt between your toes, the bile in your throat, the, well, you get the point.  
In my Basic Skills Entrepreneur (I want you all to know that I need spell check every time I write that word) class we talked about salespeople and what we think when we picture them in our minds.   I decided to space out like a 15 year old in 8:00 a.m. math class and to let the words just slowly come to my mind  as if they were floating on by at a lazy river's pace.   Mind you, I didn't want to be judgmental.  But what happened was a stark contrast, like pitting LeBron James' skills against an uncoordinated 16 year old.  The words came at me faster than a 5 year old ADD child's attention span.  The words like "cheat", "selfish scum bag" and "persistent little (insert any word you would like here)" came racing through my mind.   I knew I didn't like salespeople, but it was at this moment that I realized how much.  
"I mustn't be alone in this." I thought to myself.  "Surely there must be a mass amount of others in the classroom who feel the same way as I do so when I say what I think, I won't look like such a 'negative Nancy' (if there is a male version name for this saying, please let me know so I don't have to call myself by a female name)."  But as we went around the room and my fellow peers shared their thoughts, I realized I was a minority.  "Approachable" spouts one student.  "Sweet" shouts another.  "Knowledgeable" says a girl in the back.  And as more and more students compliment these crooks (at least in my eyes) I become more and more flabbergasted (I guessed I didn't realize that I am in a entrepreneur class).  You see, why this is so important is because I have to sell.  I have to be one of "those" people.  I don't want to be.  Summer-sales guys are the butt of so many of my jokes!  How can I possibly become one?   
I put off doing this for long time, but I decided today would be the day I would actually sell.  Today I would shed my old ideas about salespeople like a snake, getting rid of the old skin only to become refreshed with new.  Maybe it would be enlightening.  Maybe I would discover a new hidden talent in myself that is only waiting to be burst open like a bag of chips.  I will be resilient!  I will be pushy!  I will be the best dang salesman there ever was!
Well, things were realized and lessons were learned.  For one, when I get nervous I talk faster than a grown man on 15 cups of coffee.  I probably sound like the guy on those old micro-machines commercials.  You know, the one with the thick brown mustache who always wore that goofy looking mechanic suit, only I'm nowhere close to being intelligible.  Also I am not pushy.  I am not resilient.  I am by far NOT the best salesperson there ever was.  And I'm okay with that.  Today, there was a salesperson born.  An hour later, he died, and what a wonderful death it was.